Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize