I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
