There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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