wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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