Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
is that a dick in a sweater?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
