We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
