Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
