i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
