Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
