Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
