This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
