I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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