I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
