I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
