I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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