I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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