i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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