it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
