Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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