dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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