my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize