How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
