no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
