he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
PANTIES FOUND
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
