i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
