Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
