Please, let me fuck your mom
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
