Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
