I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
