If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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