A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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