Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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