if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
