I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
