hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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