Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
