Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
