Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
