i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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