You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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