party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
