omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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