When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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