Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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