i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
