I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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