Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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