Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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