Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
