The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
