And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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