my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
