I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
