I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
