i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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