Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
