Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
