Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
