after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
