i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
