if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
