this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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